you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
