There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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