careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
