p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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