the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
