My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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