I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Randomize
