Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
