So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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