You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
