This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
