Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
