when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
