I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
