If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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