I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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