You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
