did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
