sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
