ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
