how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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