Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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