god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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