Say something about gay babies.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
