What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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