Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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