This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
