I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
