maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
