did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
