I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I puked a lego.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if only i could text you this smell
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
