Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
