He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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