were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
