hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize