I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
