1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
