Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
