I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
