I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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