i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
