Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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