Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize