So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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