does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
