Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
