it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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