I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
