so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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