doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
