thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
