you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
