I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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