Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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