No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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