You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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