he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
