Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
