the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
