He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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