operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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