Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
