I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
