Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
