don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
