??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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